The Mother Also Matters

Since publishing my last post about my Pregnancy Story I have had so many people come and talk to me about how they are feeling health wise and emotionally. Firstly thank you to everyone getting in touch and I hope I've been able to help a few of you.

The chats I've had with some of you however has inspired a bit of a controversial post. So ladies, please keep an open mind and just hear me out before you decide to voice your opinions and disagree with me. 

Be Present

Lately I've been realising just how easy it is to lose yourself amongst the hustle and bustle of life. How easy it is to let your mind drift off the calm and collected path you've taken so long to build. I feel a bit like i've drifted off this path lately with everything that's been going on in my life.

Moving across the country to Hertfordshire, getting a new job, leaving the place I will always call home, my sanctuary by the sea as it were. I know it's important to embrace change no matter how scary, but I don't think I've let myself process it in fear I'll get too scared by it all. 

It made me think about what I used to get so much out of...writing to help others. I'm well aware that sometimes we need a helping hand to get us through or someone to talk to but not all of us have that trusted person in our life we can go to, to help us out. We worry about being judged, about giving too much away, about our closest friends looking at us differently if we fully unload our darkest thoughts and problems onto them. So we often bottle it up, hold it inside and think we can deal with it on or own. It's not always the best way of dealing with our problems. So I'm writing this post for you. For those of you that need that friendly ear, a friend to unload onto, for those who need a new outlook on life or something to inspire them to remember the good things in everyday. 

Life can get overwhelming a lot of the time. But when you feel like you're sinking and getting swallowed up by life and you can't keep afloat, try and remind yourself to be present; this helps me on a daily basis. 

Remember where you are, hear what's around you, be grateful for who you have in your life right now, smile about what's going right...there is ALWAYS something you can smile about. 

If yesterday's worries start to seep back into your mind, take a breath, imagine you're breathing out your worries and breathing in positive thoughts. Think of something that makes you happy, think of what you can do today that will be good for you, something that will make you smile. Think of something that will contribute towards today being a good day. It could be as simple as getting your lunch from your favourite place. Remember YOU are in charge of your happiness, you make your attitude towards your day. 

Yes some days will be harder than others, but the process is the same. Breath, let it go and let the positive thoughts flow. 

{Outfit details:}

Skirt - TopShop

Top - Asos

Sandals - Primark

Hat: Missguided

A Bit Of Advice

I've been reflecting a lot lately and I decided to write something a bit different today. When I wrote my post on anxiety a lot of you wrote to me saying how much it helped and I'm hoping this one can help some of you again.

It is so important to remember who you are. To take a look at yourself often and remind yourself how well you're doing. No you might not be exactly where you want to be. No you might not be earning as much as you'd like and you might still struggle with yourself every now and then. But look at how far you've come. In school I always put on a front of how I thought people wanted me to be and along the way I lost who I was. I was always scared of who would insult me today, what would this girl do to me today, how many times do I have to say I'm ok when I'm not. But as you grow up you lear to let these things go and move on. Those girls were nothing. Do I see them anymore? No. Do I need to? No. Do they influence me at all anymore? No. Yeah anxiety still says hello when it's not wanted and a big group of people tend to scare me and make me pretty shy but sometimes it doesn't. And that is a big thing for me to overcome.

You have to pat yourself on the back sometimes at just how well you're doing. Yeah people around me are doing great, but from that girl in school, scared of walking through the gates in the morning, I am now confident in myself. I'm proud of my achievements and what I've overcome. I can more times than not, say hi to someone I don't know and not have to worry that much about how they're judging me. I have people from my past saying how well they see me doing and wish they'd taken a similar route. People who I used to envy now look at me that way. That in itself is super weird but you have to remember everyone has a different road in life. Different bumps, different minds, different goals. 

You just have to hang in there, focus on your dreams and really aim for them. 
Don't put so much pressure on yourself to be the best when all you can be is yourself and that is all you need to be. Don't wish yourself away by looking at others wishing you were them because there will be someone somewhere wishing they were you. You are unique, one of a kind, be you and be the best you that you can be. Everything else will follow and work out how it should.

But just remember to pat yourself on the back and look at the road you've taken and you might surprise yourself with just how steep that road was and how high you are now. 

My Anxiety VLOG

Firstly I want to thank those of you who have emailed, text, DMed or whatever this week showing your support and saying super lovely things to make me feel better. It honestly means so much to me that you took the time to send them!

I usually make videos that are more my weird and happy side and talk about whatever people ask me to do and add my random spin on things. Yeah everyone I know thinks of my as this positive person who always sees the best in situations and that's truly awesome. I do try really hard to forgive, see the best in people, find the positives in the worst days and just go on believing everything will work out. 

BUT there is a side I don't tend to talk about/show at all until recently. Anxiety is something that people believe to be spoken about loads, but when it's you it's really hard to open up about it. I made this video to try help those of you who do have it and still struggle. Life doesn't always go the way you want but it does get better. 

I am super nervous and worried about posting this because it's a side I don't like to show and I don't want people to treat me or think of me any different. It's not like I'm going to die or anything, but if it helps someone it will be worth it, so I hope it does. 

WATCH MY ANXIETY STORY HERE! 

A Bit On Life

Life can be a really funny thing sometimes. It can be a dark place where everything is confusing and you feel trapped with a millions ways of feeling alone but with no way out. But it can also be something amazing, it's something you create. Life can be wonderful, inspiring, magical even without us being capable of actual magic, it surrounds us everyday.

I have recently had such a wonderful message sent to me saying how I've inspired someone to go out and chase their dream, like I have mine. Without even realising it I have some how managed to help someone find happiness in a new job and comfort in knowing they are capable to go out there and find what they want and deserve. I'm honestly so touched that I can help some of you guys with your ambitions and dreams. Times like this I am so grateful for everything I have been through in my life, even all the dark times that seemed like they would never end, the heart ache, the tearful goodbyes...it had all been part of my journey to where I am now. 

Knowing that as I am, I can influence people to create a life they want makes me so happy I went through it all, and I would do it all over again just to know I am helping people. Life is curious, how things work out, how everything connects in ways you can never imagine. But my only advice is, have faith. Believe in yourself, believe things will improve, believe you can change, believe you can get that promotion, believe you can find a job that is effortless to go to. Have faith in knowing everything will work out no matter what happens. I completely trust in myself to make the right choices, and the rest is a journey you embrace and learn from. This is how I live, I'm grateful for all I am and have, I believe there is always good and most of all, I let things be, trust.  

Thankyou to the beautiful person for you message, it was so much appreciated. Thankyou for your kind words and inspiring this post! Goodluck in all you do, and I hope more of you will let me know if I have helped you in anyway! I would love to hear your stories! 

Sprinkle Your Sparkle, Always

We have been having some wonderful sun, which has been rumoured to be sticking around for a few weeks, so I've been making the most of it while it's here. Things like this I find we always take for granted, in winter it's too cold and in summer it's too hot. In my opinion we need to look past how WE feel all the time and see the beauty all around us. Life doesn't stop being enjoyable because of the weather, that is just how you look at life.

I'm trying a new thing at the moment that when I start to feel down or worried about things I tell myself to be aware of what's happening right now. What's happening outside, what things look like, what I'm doing etc. Things to take my mind off the negatives and onto the beauty in the present. So far it's working like a dream so if you think this can help you I highly suggest you try it and let me know how you get on.

As part of a spring lookbook I shot in this absolutely beautiful sequin number in the spring sunshine. I love this dress so much and in the sunshine it becomes even more amazing reflecting light everywhere. Such a beautiful design and I cannot wait to wear this more and more this summer. Sometimes it's perfect to throw on a stunning piece of clothing and feel fabulous, this is exactly what this sparkling beauty does.


Thankyou to Holly Kenyon for being my gorgeous photographer.

Dress: SkinnieBelle 
Bangle: DuttsonRocks 
Shoes: BillieXShoes 

Early Summer

Apologies for raving about this shoot so much and not having it up before today. The internet in my flat is currently horrific and it takes literally days to upload things at the moment...a bloggers worst nightmare. But yay, today I can publish it! 

I wanted to do a shoot like this for a while but worrying about what people would think and how I'd look played on my mind so much. But when SouthBeach sent me this amazing bikini I thought how could I not show it off to everyone because it literally fits so well and I'm so over winter.

Of course being comfortable in bikinis is a big deal as it's basically underwear that's acceptable to wear in public in summer, so feeling good in one is literally the selling point. I can't recommend their swimwear enough, as it ticks all of these boxes.

Some of you may know that I have suffered with self confidence and anxiety which did make this shoot a big struggle and the whole time we were shooting I was concentrating so hard on not freaking out that I was in a bikini in front of a camera. And yes I do know that it doesn't make sense as I'm a model but usually when I shoot it's so much fun and the only time I forget all my problems and worries. It helps that the teams I have are so lovely and supportive they always put me at ease. I did this shoot to overcome my personal little hates about my body and the more I look at the more I like them, so I guess tackling your fears head on can work really well.

Having confidence in the way you look is a big problem at the moment and we all have things we want to change, places we don't like, angles we hate and flabby bits that we wish would go away. I don't want to preach and say you should love yourself as I'm not going to be a hypocrite but I do have things I like about myself too and when I'm in situations like this I focus on them and it makes it so much easier. I guess what I'm trying to say is no one is perfect and if there is a stereotype that models are arrogant and perfect (which someone actually asked me recently) I guess I wanted to show you guys that I'm pretty normal and have things I'm scared of too.

So basically I'm super nervous about posting this feature which is why I'm rambling but I hope this can help you guys overcome something you don't like about yourselves as well... or just get you excited for summer and being able to wear cute bikinis! SouthBeach have such an amazing range and their sizes are bang on so get in fast to get your summer swimwear!

Be Brave

So in my last post I said I would explain a little bit more about me and why embracing my natural hair colour was such a hard decision. Before I start this isn't something I normally write about, talk about or even like to think about much, but from writing my other blog and helping people be brave enough to be themselves I thought it was only fair I opened up a little bit more. Please refrain from writing any horrible comments on this post as I will just delete them and I already feel nervous about posting it.

As we all know the teenage years can either be the best or the worst of your life, mine are not the fondest memories I hold to say the least. Once you are told something over and over everyday you do start to believe things you are told, "You're just ugly and ginger" "you won't get anywhere in life" "you're just fat, ginger and you have no friends"...these are just some comments that got rammed into my brain when I was younger. 

There is so much stigma about having red hair in society it's become a big joke, something to laugh at, something to point out in social situations to make others laugh...not thinking that it effects people and makes them very self conscious. As soon as I was allowed I started dying my hair any colour I could to cover it up in hope the comments would stop and I would be accepted instead of pointed out as a freak for it. This was my mask to also dealing with eating problems and self esteem as well as my hair colour. Looking back I wish someone had told me how awful my hair colours were but you live and learn, everyone has had a bad hair experience once in their life, mine just lasted a few years. After going through school and college, I started getting highlights to get my hair lighter and lighter until it was blonde. Weirdly I felt comfortable with myself, like being blonde was who I am. 

Then I started working for a photographer as a studio manager and he asked me if I want to try modelling. I was beyond scared as I had never done it before and knew I wasn't the tallest or skinniest person around, but after I got used to it I became very comfortable and it helped with my self confidence. I moved down to Falmouth and started modelling for Griffin Photography and I actually felt prettier being blonde. I'd get compliments on how nice my hair is, no one pointing it out for negative reasons. This was a first and I was finally getting confident in who I was and feeling like I was one of the pretty people for once.

My lovely photographer Emma became like family to me and she kept telling me to embrace being a red head and dye it back but it wasn't until recently I really thought I should. I wanted a change, a new me and a new start but I built up so much anxiety over it, thinking about changing my hair would make me feel sick, bringing back all the comments that I was ugly when I had red hair. I was scared having red hair would change everyones opinions of me. Luckily for me the fashion world is embracing red heads which made me feel a little better that there are people wanting to have my colour hair and dying their naturally brown or blonde hair to be red. 

I finally sucked it up and committed to the big change, which for everyone reading this won't seem like a big deal but for me it was a massive step in accepting who I am and really being confident in myself; like I tell so many of you to be. I felt I'd be a hypocrite if I couldn't be myself in front of you all. After a few paranoid moments, feeling very insecure and a few days of not wanting to leave my flat I started to get used to it and now I really am embracing my natural self. I am more confident now than I've ever been and to be totally honest it really is thanks to all of you. The lovely comments and the amazing support really helps me to be myself and be proud of who I am. I may not be perfect but I'm the only version of me in the world. Bad times don't last forever. However bad things get they won't last, something good is just around the corner. If nothing bad ever happened we wouldn't be grateful when we have good moments occur in our lives. Never be afraid of who you are, embrace it because no one is the same. You can't be anyone but you so be the best version of you that you can be and show it off!

I hope this wasn't too boring for you all to read but I thought I'd let you in a bit more into why I am the way I am today and if it's just reached one of you and helped you have a little more confidence than I'm glad I wrote it! 

Generic Selfie

Everyone loves a selfie these days so here are a couple in my lovely playsuit with freshly dyed hair. Love getting back to being auburn, it's finally sunk in and I'm getting used to it after the first few weeks of initial shock. I am determind to wear this over christmas even though its summery but I love the colours and with high boots, long socks or tights and a jacket I'm sure it can be wintery too.

After being blonde for years trying to hide my red hair I finally decided to embrace it and be who I am. Will be posting a serious blog post about why this was such a hard decision soon, a chance to get to know me a little better and a chance for those of you who are feeling insecure to maybe get some advice and help from it, I hope.

(Ignore my bruised knee, too much rum punch is never a good idea.)