My Birth Story - Honest and Raw

It's been 3 weeks today since my world changed forever and it was quite the day to say the least. This is a pretty long post but for those who want to read about my birth story please do, and I honestly hope it will help some people in recognising preeclampsia or HELLP syndrome as both can be hugely devastating if left unnoticed. (Also this is a very honest and contains a lot of stuff that might make you uncomfortable but it's my story and I believe it's important in blogging to tell it how it is and not sugar coat things)

After two days of severe acid reflux resulting in no sleep and violent vomiting I went to the doctors on Thursday 5th January to try get something stronger than Rennies as I'd been eating these none stop but they hadn't helped. In my appointment I was fully checked over and was told I should make my way to triage at the hospital because I had protein in my urine and high blood pressure. Now we had spent so much time at hospital already for monitoring we thought it was just going to be a short trip where my BP would be back to normal by the time we got there like last time. Just to be organised we put my hospital bag (half packed) in the car and off we went.

On arrival we put in a separate room to wait for doctors. I had urine checked again, my blood pressure was still sky high so they ran more tests for preeclampsia. I was still in denial thinking it would pass...until a doctor came in and told us that I wasn't allowed to leave hospital now until I have my baby. This was the first sentence we heard that day that absolutely terrified us. I wasn't prepared, I didn't have everything I needed and I didn't feel ready to have a baby yet. We asked when the baby would arrive and to begin with the doctor said "it could be a few days or could be a week" so this made us believe we still a little time. After half an hour of talking and getting our heads around the fact our baby girl would be arriving a lot sooner than expected, the doctor then came back looking a little panicked and broke the next shocking news to us..."So we will be delivering baby today." (I'M SO NOT READY FOR THIS! I kept screaming in my head.) Other doctors then flooded in and start prodding me all over and attaching our good old CTG machine to my tummy to monitor our little bird. Everything was started to blur together with the overload of information at this point but I remember one doctor saying "we will get a scan done and then induce you", to which I replied "but she's breech..", and then I heard the words I knew were coming but desperately didn't want to hear..."Oh, then it'll be a c section." 

It didn't help that after weeks of not driving due to my SPD, it just so happened that I had to drive to hospital that day because Mike's van was in for a service so at 5pm he had to get a taxi to pick up his van, and everything I needed from home and race back to me before I had anything else done. 

Anyone who knows me will know my biggest phobia is needles. Blood tests and injections are literally the hardest things for me to deal with so when I was told I needed to have a cannula fitted this made me panic beyond belief. Yes, I was such a wimp about it that they covered all the right spots in numbing cream for me so I'd feel it less. This of course didn't stop me crying, hyperventilating and shaking all over (this is standard for me, how embarrassing I know.) Luckily for me this was done just before Mike had left so I coped a little better than usual. However while he had gone a midwife came in told me that they needed to fit my catheter. Now I had read online that this hurt more than the birth for some people so I immediately started to freak out as Mike had left me and I couldn't do it on my own. But after the lovely midwives agreeing to hold my hand I bite the bullet and got on with it. And to other mumma's-to-be out there, it didn't hurt at all. 

When Mike got back I was so relieved to see him as I'd been surrounded my midwives, and more than 6 doctors for over an hour and I just needed a friendly face. I could tell he was excited and a little part of me was too, but honestly I was terrified, more terrified than I have been in my whole life.

This is where things started to get scary...

By this point the doctors had told me I have preeclampsia but they hadn't told me that I had developed HELLP syndrome too which is a life threatening illness that effects your liver and can begin to shut it down. I'm not sure if they knew I had this or hadn't picked up on it yet but I was feeling worse and worse by the minute. I had two cannulas in my left arm now and doctors were coming in and out to stick things in me. I was getting exhausted from the stress and the conditions that were slowly shutting my body down. Now purely from the birth boards I am part of on facebook and on the BabyCentre App I have read about the steroid injections you are given if you're baby is early to help their lungs and according to those women, they hurt...a lot! I was told I had to have it in either my leg or my bum and thinking there's more fat on my bum it'll hurt less...OH I was so wrong! It was like a branding iron burning your bum cheek and then someone kicking you in the ass super hard! And the pain lasts for around 10 minutes after, I said I'd be honest. But this wasn't the worst.

The next doctor was explaining I need a magnesium pump into my arm to help her brain but also said it'll make me feel a lot worse. I didn't see how anything could make me feel worse at this point so they went ahead and started. Bit by bit the magnesium went in and I have honestly never been in more pain. It was like fire was coursing through my veins and then it reached my face, my cheeks were red hot and my mouth felt like it was full of lava. I have a fan next to me that by this point was an inch from my face. I had my mouth wide open desperately trying to cool it down, Mike was flapping two bed pans at me to cool me down to the point he was dripping with sweat and the pump just kept coming. This lasted 20minutes and by the end I really was praying to just faint so I didn't have to go through this anymore. It was so bad it made my physically sick for the last 10 minutes and I've never experienced pain like it. I developed burns on my nose, around my mouth and on my chin for days after too which thankfully just peeled and went away.

This had all made my blood pressure rise more which had now caused my brain to swell. I can't really remember much after this point. My bed was surrounded by doctors and midwives explaining about the emergency c section but I couldn't respond as my brain was under so much pressure. The next thing I know I'm in theatre sitting on a bed being held up by a nurse as I was so exhausted I couldn't hold myself up. I was now terrified for a new reason...the spinal block. For someone who basically fits when they have an injection, I was so aware I mustn't move as this could render me paralysed, all I could feel was genuine fear. Mike wasn't allowed to touch me anymore so a nurse and to hold me up and I was only allowed to look at Mike stood behind her. This felt truly heartbreaking for me and that moment of my watering, fear filled eyes looking at him and seeing how worried he was for me will forever stay in my mind. After the injection it all goes blank again until they said they were starting. I felt nothing until they reached in to pull my little bird out. She was so high up in my rib cage I felt everything inside, no pain but pulling her down and out which is very difficult to explain. Like I said there was no pain just an uncomfortable pulling and tugging...the next thing we hear is a tiny hiccup and squeak and see this tiny purple thing get whisked past our heads and over to the other side of the room. Then another cry and silence as she fell asleep. 

The next thing I remember is being in recovery. I had the best midwives and doctors and I will never be able to thank them enough. I was then on a lighter magnesium drip for 3 days, then moved upstairs to the normal ward for another 3 days. My little bird however was much stronger than me. Born at 11.55pm 5th January at 34 weeks and 6 days and weighing 4lb 9oz and 17 inches long she is just perfection. She was in NICU her first night to be monitored as her breathing was a little fast and she had a lots of tests done but she then didn't need help breathing, or antibiotics and moved to Special Care because she is premature. Nothing could prepare me for the first time seeing her with her feeding tube in, little arm bandages from her cannulas and her feet covered in bruises and plasters from all the blood tests she had. It was heart wrenching and I felt so guilty for being in bed when all this was happening to her, it's a feeling I'll never shake. But she was just a fighter throughout and I couldn't be prouder. 

After 8 days in hospital we were both allowed home on Friday 13th, in the snow...what timing.

Looking back after hearing the symptoms of Preeclampsia I realise that I had all of them but didn't know they were symptoms. High Blood Pressure and Protein in your wee are signs but other signs are:

* Headaches

* Blurred Vision or seeing flashing lights

* severe heartburn

* Pain just below the ribs

* Vomiting

* Swelling of feet, hands, face and ankles 

* just feeling very unwell

I passed all these off as normal pregnancy issues everyone gets and the fact she was breech so the heartburn and rib pain and feeling unwell I put down to that. The swelling I know a lot of women suffer with in the third trimester so didn't think anything of it and vomiting I had throughout so again just ignored it. But if any mums-to-be are reading this and you have any of these please get checked. You won't be bothering the midwives it's their job to reassure you over and over again if need be but honestly it's better to be safe than sorry as if your preeclampsia gets severe and you then develop HELLP syndrome (a life threatening condition with a mortality rate as high as 25% globally) you might not be as lucky as I was, and according to the midwives, I was very lucky.

I will always be SO grateful so everyone involved in the birth of my baby girl at Lister Hospital in Stevenage, for looking after her and myself and allowing us to return home as a whole family unit. And a huge thank you to my amazing and supportive boyfriend Mike who got me through every injection, blood test, drips...the list is endless but I genuinely wouldn't have been able to do everything without him. He's been my rock and I never thought I would have someone in my life that would be as amazing as he was in hospital. Nothing I do will ever be good enough as a thank you. Forever blessed.